I missed yesterday, I had some mysterious illness and was on the couch sick for hours. That means I missed yesterday’s Inktober prompt, which was “drooling”. But when I saw that today’s prompt was “exhausted”, well, hello fellow fibromyalgia/CFS sufferers! It’s our word, eh? I knew this had to be my first self-portrait.
So why not put exhausted and drooling together? Here’s me, asleep and drooling.
I took a reference photo of myself, and used a pencil to do some line work before I went in with the ink:
This was really fun to do, because I gave myself enough time! I worked at my little table upstairs, not on the couch with my corgi half in my lap and the TV on to something distracting. Instead I got a snack, I came up and cleared off some space, and I sat down to do some art. Being intentional about it made for an entirely different experience.
Last night I watched a video on Skillshare from Yasmina Creates about pen and ink. It was great, I was surprised how much information she packed in to just a half hour video! One of the things she went over was hatching and stippling, which I really need to practice but that’s fine because I love it, as well as how to take care of ink nibs, and brushes that you use with ink, and a bunch of other things. I tried to use some hatching in today’s piece, and I’m moderately pleased with the results. I can see how I need to get better at it, but for a first go, I’m liking it a lot. I get the little zing of happiness from this one (that I sadly didn’t feel from the chicken, lol).
My forehead is also way bigger than I thought it was! Proportion, it’s a thing. And the upper left side of my forehead isn’t actually so squared off, but that falls under, Oh Well, I’ll Do Better Next Time. Such a nice heading that is. I put everything under it these days.
What really matters is how much joy I feel when I draw and paint, and I felt that tonight. I was having a hard day before this. The pain continues to be awful (I feel like it’s a fall/winter thing, but taking loads of Vitamin D don’t seem to be helping, and I’m not yet willing to move to California), and there comes a point where I just feel broken down by it. Being in pain all the damn time is the most distracting thing I can think of, and I hate it, so much. It interrupts my thoughts, my sleep, my every waking moment. It like a Pac-Man in the brain that just looks for any happy chemical your body produces and rushes over to it, gobbling it up.
When I draw and paint, it puts more of the good chemicals out there. Oh sure, Pac-Man will eat them up, later. I know. I’ll wake up tonight and have to walk to the bathroom with this crazy stiff spine and hips, gripping the end of the bed, trying not to exhale from the pain so loudly that Greg wakes up. But tomorrow I can draw and paint again. I can make happiness happen, with a tiny little sketchpad and a set of paints and a brush and a glass of water.